I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
