I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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