Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
