I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
