i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
