ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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