u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
