OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
