yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
