so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
