got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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