lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
