I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
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You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
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And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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