I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
this hospital has no fireball
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
