My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
