i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
