Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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