Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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