everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
