dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
