dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
