420 ftw
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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