I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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