My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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