Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
