yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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