maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
