My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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