dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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