Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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