how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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