I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
