..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
