the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
