Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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