He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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