I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
