She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she looked like the before picture.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
