i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
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She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
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its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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