the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
