you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We were destined to go to rehab together
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
