quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
