I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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