this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
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we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
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Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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