you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
