All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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