Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
