Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
