he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
