You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
