I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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