Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
