Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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