Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
