Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
