Your dad touched me again.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
