Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
