Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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