Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize