My hand turned me down
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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