She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
