im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
