Im at strip club and am horny
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize