I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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