I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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