areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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