True but thats because hes a fetus.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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