yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
