Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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