My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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