I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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