So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
