I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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