She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
